Reasons why seeking an “APOLOGY” can be a Real Struggle.
Why saying SORRY is hard? What are the things which hold you back from apologizing?
Many people have complicated feelings about apologies, and not all of our thoughts and feelings about apologies line up. Some of us were conditioned to bend down, others must have been put across as a victim, or for a few it became an act of being a bigger person but despite summing up all this emotional turmoil within we still can’t be sure of simply owning up to our mistakes or can we?
Seeking an apology or granting one has always been an alarming threat to our professional and personal relationships, but even then we hesitate to apologize at times. There are many types of research and studies done on the same subject, and I quote from one of the recent journals which states, ‘It was declared decades ago that “Love means never having to say you’re sorry,” many relationship experts warn that never apologizing in a relationship is a sure way to risk losing it. After being recognized as the most evolving and progressive generation we still look at apologies as putting our guns down and surrendering. Why?
Let’s go to the root cause of the problem and understand the reasons why people don’t apologize. It’s a Magnitude Gap between both sides of the people in understanding “Offense”.
- There are two categories of emotions that sway your gut post an argument, one where you believe that the offense was a mere slip-up and the other where you look for an instant solution to compensate the guilt.
- Some may find it unreal to accept that they are wrong.
- Few may feel an apology from them will allow the other person to take no responsibility for their own part in the conflict.
- Others may seem to call added attention to a mistake that may have gone unnoticed.
The whole act of realization and accepting the importance of keeping the relationship above all odds takes a lot of self-introspection, penalization of every detail of the conversation from a different perspective, and role-playing in your head what if the exact thing would have happened to me?
If people can understand what makes (or breaks) a decent Relationship, they might offer a sincere Apology more often.
We may have learned about why few of us hesitate to apologize but do we know why apologizing is really important, and what function a good apology serves? Now, let’s discuss some key points on it too:
- Apologizing when you’ve broken a rule of social conduct can allow others to feel safe knowing you agree that hurtful behavior isn’t OK.
2. Apologies re-establish dignity for those you hurt.
3. Apologizing helps repair relationships by getting people talking again and making them feel comfortable with each other again.
While these were a few but important reasons to mention for such inevitable practice which helps in binding any relationship; the sole purpose is to come to an understanding that it’s OKAY to come face to face with your mistakes and allow yourself a chance to re-discover your relationship once again. People who failed to apologize saw a rise in self-esteem and an increased sense of control and power over others, compared to people who did apologize hence there are many who still choose to uphold their emotions.
So, choosing the correct side can be subjective to each person but letting go of the ego and self-esteem can’t. To know when and how to apologize is the biggest key, if the other person is expecting something unreasonable or impossible, perhaps you’re taking responsibility for more than you need to. Make a sincere decision to change the narrative of what you would like your relationships to look like. After all, the only purpose of apologies is to help you maintain healthy, happy relationships with your friends, family, colleagues, and loved ones.